bulimic attack

If only I knew back then how bad eating disorder is, I wouldn't have taken the step to purge. Now I just can't stop purging whenever I feel like I overate.

An hour ago, I just had a psycho full blown panic attack. I overate. I saw my tummy getting larger. I had two slices of toast, a bowl of rice with soup, two sushi rolls, a muffin and half a packet of chips. Initially, it was only two slices of toast. That two slices of toast triggered my bulimic attack and hence, I had to binge on food. The plan was to purge them all out afterwards. Guess what? This happened to me once. I couldn't physically purge food anymore. My gag reflex got rusty.

Full blown panic attack just hit me really hard. I tried purging for an hour! Bloody one hour. and I still couldn't get it all out. I don't know what else I can do anymore, and so I stopped trying. I feel so fat right now. My cheek hurts so bad. my teeth hurts. my eyes are swollen.

I don't know when I'll ever get to eat peacefully again... I'm just gonna head to the gym later and burn this all off.

Two slices of toast ; 150kcal
a bowl of rice and soup ; 200kcal
two sushi rolls ; 500kcal
a muffin ; 350kcal
half a packet of chip ; 500 kcal

Approximately binged on 1700kcal, well now to think of it, its almost impossible to burn 1700kcal. I'm just gonna hit my head real hard and fast for 3 full days..... starting now.

whatthefuck Elaine, Good fucking job, well fucking done =.=