"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
I have to raise both my hands and feet to express my agreement. Everyone close/dear to me knows how agitated I get whenever I'm angry, especially to my partner. The old me would just blame the other person for not being understanding of my frustrations - in another word, selfish. I would tend to use a lot of nasty words that I can never ever take back just so I could win the fight. I would turn it into a war where the winner can only be me. And I thought it's an impossible characteristic or habit to change.
Being w my now boyfriend, let's call him, Logan made me realise that I don't have to be agitated nor angry at legit anything he does, I just need to look at it at a totally different perspective. For instance, if he doesn't reply to your text for more than half the day, on a weekend (not a working day- I need to specify). As a girlfriend, you are mad because you know he's outside choosing to do something else rather than talk to you, ie, hanging out with his friends, having all the fun and he has absolutely no opportunity (0%) to send you a text throughout the whole day. On top of that, knowing he would have zero time on the weekdays to talk. Of course, you will be mad right? It's usual for any girl to be mad.
Well, you're wrong. You shouldn't be mad. You have absolutely zero right to be mad even though you are his "girlfriend". Now let me explain why. Having been together with Logan for 7 months, I am conditioned not to be mad. Not sure if it's it's just him or love is supposed to be like this, but I know I should not be mad. It felt so wrong to be mad. I feel like anger is not an emotion that I can express towards him. Because one, based on the example above, he needs his freedom. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't text you the whole day ok? Well, the heck its just a day or two. He will definitely talk to you,(??), maybe at the end of the day if you're lucky enough that he didn't fall asleep, or maybe the next day after he wakes up and feel like talking about it. Right? So why be mad at something so itsy bitsy tiny? So not worth your negative energy. Perfect relationship #1 - one less thing to fight about
Well, based on the example above, I am also conditioned to be "okay" if he forgets to talk about what he did the whole day. First of all, you never asked so automatically, it's nothing worth talking about if you don't ask about it - plus it's time-consuming so, you get the idea. But if you did ask and he said it's fine. Well, there you go, you have a response! His day out was fine. Somehow I find it very true though, from his point of view. It's just his normal fun day out, there's absolutely nothing wrong about not telling you about it (??) I guess? HA well, you can do the same too. There you go, one less thing to worry about - you don't need to report your daily activities. Perfect relationship point #2 - no such thing as daily reporting
You will then say, well, how do you communicate if texting/calling is not an obligation? Well, good point but you're wrong! I didn't say you are not going to communicate. It's just a day or two weekends out of the month. Well, you gotta scratch weekdays out cause working man needs to work so you can't blame your boyfriend for not talking to you on working days. Everyone says communication is a key to a healthy relationship. But you know, if you and your partner have some kind of a telepathic way to assume each other's thoughts, why need to communicate? You are already on a different level than the rest of the couples on earth. His world doesn't revolve around you and yours does not revolve around him. Yes, he might be your boyfriend, but he's not your prisoner and you're not his. He has the right to choose whether he wants to tell you about the things he does and you, the same. Perfect relationship #3 - absolutely no obligation
At the end of the day, "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." If he's obviously expecting this huge freedom from you, well no worries fret not, you will for sure have the same privilege. Communicating doesn't always mean talking every single day, as what I have been told. Personally, I don't believe in not talking for a day but since being with Logan means so then so be it. If loving someone means tolerating everything he does and changing yourself to fit his shoes, then be it cause you love him. There's a kind of love called sacrifice. If you truly love the person, you would sacrifice everything including your time and put in the extra effort to make your other half happy. Perfect relationship #4 - freedom of doing whatever you want as long as it harms no one
There's only one thing on earth that can measure love, which is time. Everyone is given 24 hours a day. How you utilize the time given to you is totally up to you. But if you are using most of your time and spent them on something else rather than on the person you're in a relationship with, I really don't know what that is and I hope that isn't called love. Tbh, I used to be the girl that gets so much in the past, hence, I was totally expecting much more from the next. Well, "expectation kills, reality hurts". I thought I could expect much more from my other half because I would be willing to do the same. From what I have learnt so far, I took it the wrong way. It should be "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed"- especially from someone you love. Perfect relationship #5 - you get more time to yourself. no expectations, no disappointments.
Love is a learning curve. I have learnt so much from each relationship. And I will continue to learn more. This is getting way too long, I'll stop here for now. You roughly get what I'm trying to say. Be happy cause no one else can do that for you. Never ever allow anyone to upset you, especially someone who loves you - someone who loves you will never do anything to upset you. And expects nothing in return even if that person is someone whom you rely on. See things from every angle. And never to speak when you're angry.
Have a great day xx
E
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